The opening scene brings us to a small room comprised of four walls lined with two desks, a bed, and a closet. The atmosphere reeks of fluorescent rays and bitter determination. Adjectives and adverbs are thrown around with utter disregard for the reader’s precious time, and the sentences feel far heavier than the fingers that express to the keyboard the importance of the backspace when too much coffee has been consumed.
A computer that could have been built by Dr. Frankenstein himself whirs busily in the corner. Enough RAM to unnecessarily run every software on the PC at once. A middle-of-the-road GPU that will play any game with enough tweaks to the visual settings. A processor strong enough to render 3D scenes and cut footage, even though this should be done on the GPU nowadays, which more money should have been invested into for these purposes.
Serpents of copper and sheathing wind from the bulky beast of a machine to three monitors that glow with the promise of the universe delivered in the lifespan of an unexercised, cholesterol-laden heart. Pastels, darks and highlights illustrate the madness contained within the mind of the man that created this new world with deafening clicks and a grim countenance.
Steele yourself for the otherworldly.
Today was another day of practical pursuits. I was in need of a banner for various sites, and I reasoned that someone with the aspiration of ‘becoming an artist’ would most benefit from creating the art themselves instead of meandering over to Fiverr to pay someone much more than a fiver to get the job done for me. Now, believe it or not, we have a lot (more) to talk about today. Yesterday’s post ever-so-briefly covered my sudden desperation for immediate salvation from the constant consternation borne of incessant trepidation within a corporate conglomeration whilst feeling devoid of inspiration, and stuff.
Today I would like to speak of where this journey begins, and where I hope it to take us, or at least some of the sights I would like to see along the way. I wish to cover this for the purpose of commitment; to air out my deepest character flaw that has hindered me in the past, though I have no doubt I still do not recognize many more of them, or worse, how to avoid their triggers.
The Origin
I currently work as a low-level IT grunt in a Help Desk position. Knowing enough from a life spent on computers allowed me the comfort of undeservedly obtaining such a position without the typically required schooling or on-the-job experience. It is a constant state of imposter syndrome, with the repeated assurances of a caller being amazed by the minor details I know about general computing. This continues to confound me as my life has had me surrounded by people whom I feel I could never match in computational knowledge.
My professional ‘career’ thus far has been one of bouncing from job to job, across a wide range of fields, on a whim. I have always sought something that could bring me more happiness than wealth, not that I would turn down a healthy smattering of the two. I know it will be hard for another human to relate to things such as the longing for more or feeling discontent with their lot in life, but bear with me. My leaving a position is often due to frustration more than boredom, though boredom is often the driver of the aforementioned frustration.
Know thyself.
I have always had a hunger for the arts, but have never had the courage to make a consistent effort. I grew up playing music and singing. I have always enjoyed writing and drawing. I just get so dismayed by my limits, and I fear I am not good enough. I just need to be brave and forge on. These lies in particular have kept me down for the last five or so years.
Know thyself.
I am simply lazy. I don’t mean, ‘I’ll take out the trash later’ kind of lazy. I mean, ‘I should really clean out my computer case once a month to prevent overheating, but let’s just wait until it burns out and I have to replace expensive components’ kind of lazy. I hate practicing. I loved all of the arts I participated in, but I am an endorphin junky and I am always chasing that dragon (no, not Falcor. Sorry, but that is a Dogon, not a dragon).
The Destination
I do not know what medium interests me the most, but I know the vague candidates (in alphanumeric order, to dissuade unhealthy favoritism);
3D Modeling, Drawing, Vectoring, and Writing.
For the time being, I will pursue all of these facets. The writing will be constrained to blogging, though you have witnessed by now I am not afraid to embellish a point. My drawing is all digital and the largest point of aggravation, as I have very shaky hands. Drawing will likely be the thing I attempt the least. Vectoring and 3D modeling are favorites of mine for many reasons. I love playing with Inkscape and Blender; relish learning their capabilities and following tutorials online for things I have no need to do in my own projects, but want to try out regardless.
My aim is that of sustainability through art. I have bills, a mortgage, a car payment, an unhealthy habit of buying games I do not get a worthwhile amount of time out of. You know the first-world drill. This is a lofty goal at this point in time, but many have summited this peak before me, and I have a plethora of footprints to learn from. It will be important to have more readily attainable goals to improve focus.
I do not think there is any harm in shying away from originality on the road to success, so let’s declare some simple targets right here and now. I will be on many platforms in the long run, but I will start with what I am more familiar with.
- 25 straight days of posts
- 25 straight days of new art pieces
- 25 Twitter followers
- 25 Instagram followers
- 25 Tumblr followers
I will learn more about WordPress this weekend, and get a separate page created to track progress and milestones.
The Summation
I may be years, possibly decades away from my destination, but in the last 28 hours I have created a new alias, accounts across various, main-stream platforms, a blog, a profile picture, a banner, and some trackable goals. The first post even received numerous likes, which is stunning to me, as how did you all even find me so quickly? Thank you, WordPress!
I will quickly apologize for being so long-winded, but I will not cease. It is not merely in my character, but also a pursuit. I have so much on my mind, and I like to share it (for better or worse). Though you may feel exasperated by my prattling, know that in return for your time you are getting the real me, not the ‘please like me’ version that we all have to feed from time to time. I felt this post was too long at paragraph four, but I just can’t help myself. Let me know what you think in the comments.
Thank you for reading.
AutumnalFoxFire 
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